From 2013 to a New Year 2014

My hopes and dreams went wrong

Could see the real of friends along

Treachery and true double faces

Made me fight with a no voice.

2013 was a year of full of disgusts

My good deeds also seen robust

Some say I am destined nowhere

Some say  it’s my past deeds umpire

My ideal was lost in heart and soul

My belief went vain losing its goal

Demeaning my own self in a whisper

Of rejection finding a space nowhere.

Great lessons I learned and still learning

The 2013 gave my life a true meaning

It was sad but with debonair smiles

I am still moving like an unknown file.

2014 comes when I am lost

In the clutches of 2013 a true ghost

Awaiting my dreams to come back

Giving me new vigor and a work full rack

Let it be a year of success for all my true friends

MY FEELINGS ON MY WORKS

When I returned back from college with heavy loads on my head, sat quietly for some time alone and tried to make a self evaluation on what went wrong so that I am destined to face the stress that even can ruin one’s life. I was simple, polite and very diligent while dealing with subordinates in college. I correctly remember after my Master in Economics, I shifted to Vani Vihar (Utkal University) for M.Phil degree and was staying in M.Phil Hostel with one of my close friend. In a weekend, I was in my village when someone called on me and requested to join a meeting in the district head quarter. I agreed and joined and that day may be the day which changed the course of my life. I joined in a college to teach economics. I had rejected some attractive opportunities, but I do not know why I continued in a private educational institution so long even if I never get what I should. I was assigned the charge of Principal being the senior most and later on Government approval worked also as the Secretary of the Governing Body. I was liberal, felt my staff as brother and sister and never tried to create any hurdles in their fight for survival. I always wanted a healthy educational environment where all of us can teach effectively and can be the change makers in the true sense. But I failed as my simplicity was exploited by few for their narrow self interest. My quest for institutional interest still continued and I did what I should do for an institution for which I sacrificed my career too.

My heart always beats on issues around and got involved with charities and advocacy organizations. In spite of my involvement, I always worked for the best of the college and did all that supported institutional interest. The college has given me two types of friends, viz. friend who always helped me to face the challenges, friend who exploited me in all treacherous ways. I am victimized and emotionally tortured. I got to see the real of a treachery who happens to be a teacher. But still smiling at him because I know he does not know the repercussion of his deeds. I am reacted and sometimes turning aggressive towards him but controlling myself because that can affect the institutional interest too.

Life is seen as a fight for justice, a struggle that continues from birth to death, a good book that we need to read every moment. I take my life in a positive angle and never allow negatives to influence my thought and action. For me life is a gift… let us care it well. Love others in heart and make others smile.

The Phailin is gone

Now that it’s all said and done,

I can’t believe you were the one

To build me up and tear me ...

And I never thought you'd doubt me.

Even my smiles look devils

My words are felt evils

My beats in heart if rising

You can feel it like falling…..

Now that it’s all said and done,

All the leaves fallen and gone

In the Phailin cyclonic storm

Words like rain over rain come

My spreading hands are tight

With cold winds and dark night

My feelings are not right

As I see a different sight

That lives differently in you

Illusions create another view

But now it’s all said and done

My heart feels phailin is gone.

Nostalgic mind

The small town is still alive

The lights peer out of the roadside trees

My house a lonely box that holds me

With an empty fear inside

The stars in the sky illuminate me

If my world were to die

The lights will guide me

Straight on to you in the deep dark night

Across a dead end street

Hear the lonely voices right

On the halfway see a lost ghost sight

and like a siren in my broken heart

                                                          you still alive and alive that.

How can I say????

How can I say?

When to see you there

In my dreams and fantasies

That come and go like your smiles

How can I say?

Where we stand here

With/out a blanket cover

That can bond us together.

How can I say?

Which way to go whether

It’s a divine path or way to hell

Still your amour, I always smell.

How can I say?

With your affectionate sounds

A big black cloud over my head

Weaken with winds ahead.

How can I say?

When a twinkle star rises in the west

In the black sky of my sorrows

And with your presence new hope grows.

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